No really, here's why Twitter is great.

I know what you're thinking and I already get the sense that you will feel like that me talking about the goodness of Twitter is old hat. And it is, quite honestly. The journalistic reasons of breaking news isn't really valid when most of the breaking news is too apathetic-sounding anyway, and I didn't get on Twitter with the intent of knowing what Demi Moore ate this morning. That said, there are moments that do make me smile and do give the feeling of community in Twitter and warm, fuzzy, cold, internet-based feelings of happiness for my fellow man:

- Amanda Palmer's Twitter account (twitter.com/amandapalmer)

Ms. Palmer is the engenue behind the wildly fascinating punk cabaret group The Dresden Dolls and released a fine solo album last year. And in the past three months, she has taken to Twitter as something of a respite. Currently, she is in a fight with Roadrunner Records due to their poor efforts at promoting her work as well as an incident where Palmer's weight was questioned on the set of a music video. And yet because of her Twitter, you don't get the vibe that she's consistently angry about this, in fact, she's used it to better her career. She currently has around 25,000 followers, uses the account to inform about secret concerts, a high school play she is doing based around The Diary of Anne Frank and Neutral Milk Hotel (seriously), or to even bring up that she's drinking wine.

- Awesome Kong's Twitter account (twitter.com/awesomekong)

Might as well geekily explain, Awesome Kong is a female professional wrestler whose gimmick on TV is that of a pure monster. She never speaks and simply beats people up with no guilt about what she does. Which even in the world where she is obviously playing a character on TV is more strange when perusing her Twitter. She obviously speaks, and more than that, she's ACTUALLY FUNNY. A lot of it will be greek to non-wrestling fans, but eh, it's my blog and she's still funny to me, dammit!

- Eddie Argos (twitter.com/eddieargos)

A great man with a great semblance to myself. Only I haven't been involved in three great albums of music and might not entirely be excited about everything like Mr. Argos is. I'm also not 28 yet. I don't know where this is leading to, other than the fact that Argos once admitted that he shaved his mustache because it made him look like he was 40. Oh, and a friend tells me that he is great live. Take that for what you will.

Enough of this. Look up Twitter. Yes, even I'm on it.

Narcissism!

Again in lieu of meaningful content, I will give you links to all of the music review work I've done for the CW in the year so far, just in case you missed it or you wanted to have intense disagreements about the quality of music. Anyways, here we go! (And this is in chronological order, even.) Also, remember the star ratings are out of four.

(January 21st, 2009) Animal Collective - Merriweather Post Pavilion (***1/2)

(January 29th, 2009) Andrew Bird - Noble Beast - (***)

(February 6th, 2009) The Fray - Self-Titled - (*1/2, which is the actual grade)

(February 12th, 2009) Lily Allen - It's Not Me, It's You - (***1/2)

(February 19th, 2009) Special Feature on Winter's Hidden Treasure

(February 26th, 2009) Neko Case - Middle Cyclone (***1/2)

(March 12th, 2009) Yeah Yeah Yeahs - It's Blitz (**1/2)

(March 26th, 2009) Chris Cornell - Scream (*)

(April 24th, 2009) Silversun Pickups - Swoon (**1/2)

(April 30th, 2009) Bob Dylan - Together Through Life (**)

And obviously, on to the summer and next semester, there will be more reviews being done. Hope you enjoy what has come before, though.

A start to a lament on the film industry.

When I was in my early teens, you do not know the obsession that I had with movies. I watched dozens and dozens of movies in those days with an intent of having an opinion on them, and dammit, if anybody was going to ask me about the quality of Swimfan, then I would have a great answer for them. This I knew for certain.

Then I guess I grew up. My habit was plagued by poor economic circumstances mixed in with frankly having no desire to watch crappy movies. I once had a free ticket to Doom which I used. Also, I forgot how much I hated that movie until I reminded myself of that just now. But either way, I just lost it.

Worse yet, this year was the true moment of uncare. I finally realized at the ripe old age of 19 something that's been obvious for years, that films have simply lost their cahones. None of the major releases seem to take chances that lead to successful results. Tropes like the ridiculous action movie or even the film that takes a chance are the last bastions of true artistic expression we have as a society. Everyone's favorite movie when they were a kid was the Schwarzenegger/Stallone action films. Were any of these features smart? No. But they showed one guy killing a bunch of guys and things that only exist in the tropes of action movies. These things made two funny Hot Shots movies possible and made millions smile.

However, we're dawning into scary times. The Rambos of the world are dying off, and action movies that embrace pure ridiculousness are being seen by lesser and lesser people. And yet, PG-13 horror films, PG-13 comic adaptations that forget that the basic essence of the character is R-rated (Wolverine), and PG-13 genre flicks have ruled the roost, trying to pass themselves off as serious entertainment and taking no risks. Where is the cahones, guys?

Crank 2: High Voltage came out a month back to zero fanfare whatsoever. This movie is exactly the perfect hate it or love it film, however, because it is non-stop violence, non-stop depravity, and a complete embrace that everything that has happened in the film is completely ridiculous. It is disturbing at times and wonderful at barraging the senses with pictures that are hard to turn away from, all the while Jason Statham continues to add to a reputation as secretly one of the funniest guys in film. Crank 2 has made all of $14 million at the U.S. box office.

Watchmen would be another example of putting true cahones to an idea of making the exact film that you want. And yet, Warner Brothers has lost money on the project and even the same critics that would normally be impressed by a literal adaptation felt that the film was just not good enough.

A laundry list of these films could be placed: Next Day Air, which actually has the wherewithall to make its stoner leads unlikable, is currently getting beaten by the stunningly casual Star Trek. Observe and Report failed because Hannah Montana is more popular (and okay, a dark R-rated comedy doesn't beat a G-rated family pic). I'd even go so far as to say that Battle for Terra was a risky picture that just unfortunately failed (and was oddly message-filled for a kids film, similar to another risky failure in 2008's City of Ember). 

Either way, I'm a little disappointed for the future. I won't suddenly hate movies or anything, but please, someone, I'm begging you, take that risk and just go out there. I don't know if I'm fully ready to swallow another Ghosts of Girlfriends Past.

Things that are good right now:

- Bat for Lashes

The latest album from the British chanteuse is entitled Two Suns, and my god, it is wondrous music. There is not enough music these days that mixes a sensual atmosphere with heartbreaking lyrics and makes everything work. It isn't even too woe-is-me in comparison to Portishead (and I love Portishead). All the raves Two Suns has earned in the American and British press are pretty well justified, it's a solid contender for record of the year.

Video for "Daniel," the first single from Two Suns.

- St. Vincent

Since I got a listen to St. Vincent's second full-length record Actor, I found myself falling in love with this delicate woman named Annie Clark. Annie Clark is the curator of St. Vincent, a project that managed to come out of the ground after Clark toiled in obscurity with indie rock titans Sufjan Stevens and The Polyphonic Spree. Before, I mentioned that her first album was a great buried find in the recurring feature (recurring as in once) The Hidden Stuff on this very blog. However, Actor is a natural evolution in a good way. Clark's quirky instincts make her experimental instincts make sense. And Actor is just awesome.

And now, other things that I'm too lazy to write about, but that if you look up, you'll love:

- Stereolab

- Deerhoof

- Joakim Noah's perplexing behavior

- NewsRadio on Hulu

- the WHO's idiocy causing 300,000 pigs to die because the thing is called SWINE flu

- women, if they criticize guys for going to movies fully intent to see attractive women in it, when the only reason any of them enjoyed Wolverine was for eight-pack Hugh Jackman

- The Bulls/Celtics series, except for the last game

- Crank 2

- I'm out of things to write.

John Madden retires.

Breaking story for the two of you who don't look at Yahoo every day. The guy responsible for the Madden in that football game you play every year is calling it quits! John freakin' Madden leaves the booth after three decades of service and he has been an entertaining man at the very least and the most distinctive voice of football at the most. In tribute, here is a fine speech he did when he was inducted to the Hall of Fame in 2006.




We'll miss your commentary, John, because I wouldn't want anyone else to tell me that 90% of football is half mental.

Ok, let's face it.

Music currently sucks. Badly.

Let me explain: I looked at the release charts mere moments ago, noted that Metric, k-os, Neil Young, Mastodon, The Decemberists, Kelly Clarkson, and Handsome Furs have all released albums in the last month, and I have cared nothing to listen to them in their entirety. And I like most of these artists (Mastodon not so much, but they're hipster-friendly metal so they get mentioned). And I wonder to myself why I am not excited to hear any of their new material and I suspect there's a major chance that I might be so uncaring that I don't really want new stuff from groups I know. 

However, I think that it is a failure on the label system's part.

Almost all of these acts have a major label tie-in, and none of them have been given enough of an opportunity to really promote the quality of their new material. Only Clarkson had a heavily talked about release, and in truth, Nostradamus doesn't have to tell you that after My December didn't destroy sales records despite being pretty good that Clarkson's next record would be more bland pop jams about life sucking without a guy and about the power of men helping women versus the empowerment and emotion of a woman being a woman.

I'm also "friends" with k-os on MySpace and didn't know he had an album out until this moment, which might be a failure on one Kevin Brereton's part but is more likely a failure of the label's part. (Which as I write this, Wiki is wrong again as the record is set for April 14th in Canada with no U.S. date announced.) But nonetheless, there is a clear problem here that I'm noticing. The blogosphere isn't nearly as concise as of late in terms of introducing "hot new music" to people's ears, and I'm certain of this because Wavves is okay, but not that great and The Pains of Being Pure at Heart are a fine band that has been the only thing new that this year has also been great.

Maybe my lament is that these albums are probably good and probably not great. Ah well.

I admit the greatness of Mötley Crüe.

Yes, I realize that this is a little bit of a massive left field in comparison to my uber-indie elitist whiny music tastes. But the Crüe is plain awesome. And not in that guilty pleasure way, really, because I'm admitting it and I don't feel guilty about it in any way. I'm only guilty of gaining enjoyment out of a band that once wrote "When we started this band/All we needed, needed was a laugh/Years gone by...i'd say we've kicked some ass". Yes, yes you have.

The greatest video of all time, the one for "Home Sweet Home", in which beaches, bikini clad women and multiple uses of the phrase "I'm on my way" are used.
Video for "Kickstart My Heart," which appears to be about cars. Now who would've thought that?
Video for "Live Wire". What was the point? I don't know.

This was clearly my high point in music criticism.

The Greatness of Bully Beatdown.

Last week, some channel called Music Television produced and released a show that almost made up for the fact that this channel brought us The Hills, The Bay, Laguna Beach, The Seafoam Lodge, and whatever other shows have spawned from vapid people talking about vapid things. This show is simply called Bully Beatdown.

Bully Beatdown's an easy concept to grasp. You get a bully, in the case of episode one, this guy who just knocks out his older brother constantly and looks like a coyote with human features. He proclaims himself THE REAL BULLY at least once and brags about his ability to knock anyone out. So naturally, host Jason "Mayhem" Miller must put this man in his place.

The show's also got a simple idea. You put the bully in the ring for two rounds with a mixed martial arts-trained fighter and if he can survive without tapping out or without getting knocked out, he earns money. Each round has $5,000 on the line which when he taps out (worth $1,000 a tap) or gets knocked out (worth all $5,000), the person bullied gets the money.

Enough of pure explanation, here is why this show is great. First off, the two brothers here are amazingly goofy. The bullied older brother has the strangest and most amazingly stupid haircut in history. And the younger brother is described by Mayhem as "having the body of a meathead and the personality of a douchebag." The younger brother brags constantly, in more entertaining fashion, about how he will take down anything in his path, including the MMA fighter that he must fight at the show's end.

Another positive for this show is that they never spend too much on the small things and get right down to the fighting. They simply show why the bully is a bully and why the brother wants him to get beat down. And then they simply show the fight, complete in all of its MMA glory. And it totally works because it does both of these amazingly simple ideas in a way that's greatly entertaining.

The show is great because it is amazingly simple. It reminds me a lot of what made Pimp My Ride such an awesome show, because, you get what you want out of it. You want to stare at a car's interior with random TVs thrown in the trunk for whatever reason? Then, there you go. The same formula worked with Cribs and it's working in spades here. Mayhem Miller is a goofy guy much like Xzibit was a goofy guy on Pimp My Ride.

Simply put, you want simple greatness on television, you flip it to MTV for some Bully Beatdown. Nuff said.

A great find.

Former NBA player Paul Shirley reviews Animal Collective for ESPN.com - This really happened.

And this was very very very awesome. That is all the verbage that is necessary for such a piece.

Overhyped.

(Part of this was written three months ago. Part of this is awesome.)

You think I'm going to mention Chinese Democracy in this blog entry, don't you? Well...no, not really. I'm sort of in the middle about Chinese Democracy as an album, but an album like that would never match the hype of people thinking it would be the best record ever. (For the record, it's got all the good and bad parts about the Use Your Illusions with less Slash. You decide if that's a good thing.) And plus, this is a record that's not tailor-made for this topic at all, as its hype has been built since long before the internet.

No, this references the internet's effect on building an artist or band's profile in the world of popular music. And while more mainstream examples like Katy Perry were destined to be famous without the internet (and calling random guys gay for some whiny reason), this year produced a fair amount of new names that were solely built on good word of mouth and in turn, solely built to disappoint.

- Vampire Weekend

Early in 2008, the blogosphere gave a bunch of preppy kids from New York a bunch of insane hyperbolic praise about their band's self-titled record. Vampire Weekend went from guys who made reasonably catchy music to the apparent saviors of returning African sound into music, the same sort of thing done by groups like Talking Heads back in the late 1970s and 1980s. Their self-titled album was an album with a few good songs ("Oxford Comma", "Cap Cod Kwassa Kwassa", "A-Punk") and a bunch of meandering and mediocre songs squeezed into a brief piece of recording. The Talking Heads comparison is borderline ridiculous, as vocalist Ezra Koenig has none of the neurotic flair of a David Byrne, nor do their painfully clever lyrics match the nicely pinpoint ones from the Heads. That and preppy white kids apparently are so insanely crazy for African tribal rhythms, or they could have just listened to a post-punk record or two maybe for that musical inspiration? Again, they're not bad, but they're not anything special by any means.

- Girl Talk

Hipsters love liking music because it's "different" or a "new style" of music. Girl Talk's entire reliance is on generic rap lyrics mixed to a variety of sounds, mostly bands like Yo La Tengo and Radiohead for indie kids to go "Hey, I know that song." It's funny, indie kids will take the piss out of the jukebox culture of your regular bar where every other song is a familiar track from a bygone era. Whether it's Quiet Riot or Eagle Eye Cherry, it's perceived as crap. And yet, Girl Talk's entire appeal comes from indie kids who hate rap music and yet loooooooooove when rapping is set to "15 Step" for some crazed reason.

- Dan Deacon

No square reason, really. His brand of electronic music's just kind of annoying, though. And really? Two 8-level records in a row, Pitchfork? Crazy men.

- all of those British bands that got a modicum of attention over here in between the breakout of Coldplay and the breakout of Arctic Monkeys

Franz Ferdinand has all but proven that they won't ever have a good album ever again, quite honestly, with how weak Tonight was and the fact that I can roughly remember two good songs on the first record. Keane went from sucky dreary rock to sucky dreary U2 clone to sucky crappy disco band...which, yeah, bad progression. Kaiser Chiefs only made awesome on "Ruby." The Futureheads are a good singles band, but that's not really a valid substantiation for hype. And easily the most interesting is The Bravery...which I'm told isn't from England at all, but rather New York City. Bleh. Britrock in the 2000s has had a horrible go.

Chris Cornell makes me not want to listen to music ever again.

Trent Reznor's Twitter:

"You know that feeling you get when somebody embarrasses themselves so badly YOU feel uncomfortable? Heard Chris Cornell's record? Jesus."

For over twenty years, Chris Cornell has been a part of music in one way or another. His band, Soundgarden, was one of the penultimate Seattle grunge bands that gained massive mainstream acceptance and their albums weren't half bad, either. Cornell then joined with three former members of Rage Against The Machine to form Audioslave, which had nothing of the quality of Rage, but wasn't a bad band, either. Their music was fine diversions that worked on rock radio, and their first album was even pretty great, as mentioned before in this blog.

Squashed in between that time was two solo records that showed Cornell's evolution (or devolution) as a creative artist. He did a record that became an underground classic in 1999's Euphoria Morning and then did a mostly mediocre record in 2007 with Carry On.

Now this all brings us to this point, to 2009's Scream and to where everything has went wrong at a quick rate. Stifled by creativity, Cornell's best move is to apparently do the same songwriting style, only replacing his rock roots with the sounds...of Timbaland.

I will say this, I have liked a lot of Timbaland's past stuff. Timbaland's evolution of Justin Timberlake from boy band bopper to the modern-day Michael Jackson was amazing and he produced two fine albums out of a guy that seemed doomed to go the Nick Carter route. Timbaland's production on Nelly Furtado's record didn't create an amazing record by any means, but Loose was decent for what it was. Of course, Timbaland lost his way with critics on Shock Value, a disastrous solo record that, among other things, forced the horror of OneRepublic on the world.

So, Timbo's been licking his wounds and Cornell's been directionless since the aforementioned “other three from Rage” left him to his devices. So what do both men do? Cornell lets himself be the backdrop to another Timbaland record where nothing changes. Of course, the project is referred to as a Chris Cornell solo album, despite the fact that this could be any person letting the hitmaker producing his samey beats over the music. Here's a sample of the...failure in store.

Now, I feel going on about the music or its sheer terribility is a little bit redundant. So, I will pose a question...would Kurt Cobain have ever done this? Has Eddie Vedder thought that the last thing his songs needed was a punch of electro? I haven't heard Scott Weiland's last solo record – laughably entitled Happy in Galoshes – but did Weiland think that the big thing missing from his songs was Just Blaze or Scott Storch? Did the lady from Veruca Salt want Lady GaGa's production team? I suspect the answer to all of these questions is no.

Again, I don't hate Timbaland, I just hate Cornell forgetting that being a patriarch of grunge should avert him from embarrassing himself for top 40 play, and especially in such a horrid fashion that completely doesn't fit his voice or style in any way shape or form. I also hope that a bunch of 90s acts aren't up next. I don't need to hear the vocalist from New Radicals being a backup vocalist for Christina Aguilera.

Hulu Watching Experience: Species III

There are obviously a lot of awesome franchises in history. None of those revolve around a third installment that goes directly to video. However, the Species franchise is a perplexing series of films that start from mediocre to bad to worse, as is the case with Species III. Species III is in itself almost symbolic of the franchise in its three acts.

Act One is an installment with a decent bit of gore and a lot of random sci-fi mumbo jumbo that's ultimately insignificant, but there's nothing especially bad in these scenes. Plus, there's nudity.

Act Two is stiflingly boring, with a ridiculous amount of half-breed suited strangeness and ridiculous amounts of gore for the sake of itself.

Act Three is hilarious and then crappy and then a hilariously stupid cop-out makes it hilariously crappy.

Might as well earn my nonexistent keep and explain further. Species III opens with a lovely sequence involving the military and Natasha Henstridge's (apparent) dead body. Henstridge is still portraying Eve from Species II, and that creature comes back to life, has a weird baby and then some fat kid is involved. This all would've been so awesome if an arty guy took hold of this and just added more random abstract screwed up things, but instead, we're left to our own devices as far as good filmmaking goes. Anyways, a scientist takes the baby home, and that baby quickly grows up to be a girl and then through some more weird circumstances, a naked woman appears. A couple of deaths happen, but only because, as we all know, men are pigs.

That particular message is one thing the Species franchise has attempted to do from the beginning in that they establish that man's desire for sex is so so irrational that nearly all of them would violate such a right when graced by the beauty of some odd half breed alien who looks like your average GAP model. In a way, it's objectifying to both males and females. The females' only purpose in this film is to have sex and create life, and even when Sunny Mabrey's blonde Sara learns about chess apparently from just touching a book, this information is irrelevant to her. Her whole "purpose" is sex. But she also has the excuse of being a half-breed, where apparently, reproduction is the only thing that matters. The males in this movie not only don't have that excuse, but barring three characters, the male race is treated as if sex is their only goal. Rape is pretty much an action on everyone's mind. Even the half breed attempts to rape her in a sequence where both I and the goofy Dean (played by Robin Dunne) both yelled that he was trying to rape her.

This isn't even bringing up the fact that the blonde Sara is viewed as perfection whereas the suddenly introduced brunette Amelia is the film's villain for whatever reason. That might be a bit of a poor comment on America's love for blondes.

And now I realize I'm overthinking one of the more dumb but entertaining movies I've seen in a while. Though, it's just dumb. You can't describe it any other way.

Rating: REALLY BAD

Next time, I'll cleanse the palette of horrible direct to video movies and review one of the most beloved sequels of all time...ROCKY III!

The Fork Looks Different.

For indie music geeks everywhere, Pitchfork.com has become the main source for opinions and being introduced to obscure names that are suddenly thrusted into the spotlight by how good they are, at least according to the site's writers. The ratings are debated all the time, acts like Arcade Fire, Spoon, Battles, and Vampire Weekend have all benefited from the site christening them with the tag of "Best New Music." And this week, the site finally overhauled its traditional interface for a more modern, crisp look. And it looks amazing, though, all of the kinks aren't sorted out by any means. There's a great deal of problems with links and the sort, but overall, Pitchfork continues to be a great resource for music lovers, especially the Forkcast feature with a ton of free songs. Check. It. Out.

(My Note: The Hulu Watching Experience will continue at some point. Maybe. Not right now, though.)

(Something About) Watching The Watchmen.

Around 25 hours ago as I write this, I went to go see Watchmen in the theaters. And while I had a big long spiel about the idea of this world being parallel to our own, similarities to the age of terror, the cute jokes about Nixon's fifth term and Ronny Reagan being taken not seriously as a presidential candidate and such, but it would be rather fruitless.

I will say this, though. You have to really be into the material from the start to truly enjoy it at its finest level. This doesn't mean that you have to read the novels or anything to get it, but if you think this will be a typical action movie, then you're going to be shaken. This isn't even anything like director Zack Snyder's last comic adaptation 300, whose entire purpose was to be a generic action movie with fun video game-like Spartan violence. This, however, hits more than a basic good vs. evil dynamic and does it in pretty stunning fashion. Everyone here is given something that they are truly responsible for as far as a bad decision or a decision that puts their human value to the test. And yet, everyone is given a steady reason to do what they do (barring Ozymandius, but his storyline's chopping probably helped destroy the more nuanced elements of his character).

I will cut it here because I'm certain this would quickly dip into spoiler territory, but overall, barring a few decisions that could've been more chaste and my personal feeling that length does hurt a movie from time to time, this was a fine fine film. This is all I will dip into about watching the Watchmen at this time.

Hulu Watching Experience: St. Elmo's Fire

In around 1985, a cultural moment happened in modern American history. As Reagan ruled his second term and the youth of America was busy brooding and taking copious amounts of drugs, something represented those young men and women's idealism. That was the top 40 hit "St. Elmo's Fire (Man in Motion)" by John Parr, in which Parr quips that he's gonna be your man in motion and all he need is a pair of wheels. He tells them to take him where his future's lyin', St. Elmo's Fire. And apparently, a film was made out of this popular song, in which almost none of these upbeat traits were really brought up.

Instead, the 1985 film St. Elmo's Fire is a melodrama of the highest degree, pounding depression upon depression, never letting anyone figure out why this gang was so united in the first place and thus why we should care that their rash decisions are destroying each other's lives. Also, Demi Moore seems like a crappy person, so why is everyone suddenly concerned to help her? I guess there is a bit of truth to the one person who is friends with everyone but is grating, but then, well...they help her too much.

That said, one positive is that Ally Sheedy is gorgeous. I mean, for about five years between 1983 (with WarGames) and 1988 (with Short Circuit 2), she had to be the most demurely attractive woman on the big screen. And at 46, she hasn't aged terribly. But nonetheless, one positive is that Ally's just in it. Just that she's in it in general is awesome.

But there's too much unexplained. Judd Nelson works for a Republican despite being the Pres of the College Democrats Association, which is poorly explained, really. Emilio Estevez borders on pure obsession with his ninth-grade fantasy girl, to the point of throwing a party with entirely the purpose of her coming, and throwing it in the house that the man who gave him money (since the girl wanted a financially secure man) to keep it safe. Ally's uncertain, and nearly married to Judd. Andy McCartney is brooding and writerly, and not anything like say...me for instance. Not at all, in fact... Demi Moore's crazy, sounds about 40, and is by all means, sleeping with most everybody. And I forgot the others.

St. Elmo's in a modern context is probably poor, but films usually attempt to place a specific feeling of a time and a place. However, we merely get the idea that some of the guys from The Breakfast Club came together to make a movie that also tries to speak to a set of people, but really only spoke about how friendships are fleeting when people really fall in love, and I guess that love is a dangerous thing that fails. Oh, and that we make really big deals out of things that are nothing, as Rob Lowe must tell Demi and the audience in the last five minutes.

Sorry guy, not interesting enough.

Rating: MEDIOCRE

The next entry will be on a fine cinematic experience known as SPEED 2: CRUISE CONTROL. This will be very very interesting, followers.

Hulu Watching Experience: American Psycho 2

(This review contains a good bit of spoilers...but the title is kind of a spoiler anyway and let's be honest, I doubt you're going to watch this crap.)

I have never tried to make a film before nor have I ever been to Hollywood, but I'd imagine it's hard to get funding for a major feature film. You have to convince people that their idea is so worthwhile that they can throw away millions upon millions of dollars just to see whatever you wrote be put on celluloid. In fact, most of the films people bemoan as crappy Hollywood studio flicks are made to appeal to all demographics, so thus, they're naturally pretty impersonal.

I bring this up because American Psycho 2: All-American Girl was originally known as The Girl Who Wouldn't Die, and had nothing to do with the 2000 satire at all. Mind you, even as a "sequel" in its final form, it still has nothing to do with the original, and seems almost angry that you would ever compare such a film to it. And much like the great schoolwide tradition of Opposite Day, this "sequel" accomplishes the exact opposite of its original.

AP2 opens with a woman, a 12-year-old girl, and a man, introduced as Psycho's Patrick Bateman. After calling him creepy and such, the little girl kills Bateman easily. So basically, the awesome villain of the first film is buried in the first five minutes because a psycho broad just stabs him. This is only the beginning...

This 12-year-old girl grows up to be Mila Kunis, who all of six years later is a girl in college that is whip smart and as hot as Mila Kunis should be. She also says "That's what your mama said" to people. I guess this is what smart people do. Four minutes in, another man named WILLIAM SHATNER shows up. The Shat provides some wonderful merryment and has a creepy romance with one of his students, because obviously, professors sleep with their students, y'see. Kunis then says that she wants to be his teacher's assistant, because somehow, all of Shat's teacher's assistants make it to FBI training. We are introduced to the three hapless teens that aren't Mila Kunis including the weird awkward rich guy, the weird hot blonde, and the weird black guy with dreads. They all die, don't worry. But not before a whiny assistant dies (after making a Ricky Martin and Ricky Ricardo joke about a cat), and before a whacky date between Mila and awkward rich guy, who clearly notes "You have to eat. I have to eat. Let's eat together." I'm using that one next time. This leads to him being so concerned about the T.A. job that encycles the whole movie that he's willing to pay Mila SEVEN FIGURES to drop it. This job is clearly serious. So Mila takes him back to his room, and kills him and such.

These first 30 minutes begin a curious question of what this film's intent truly was. The violence is too implied for an R-rated horror flick. The script is too poorly written to be perceived as intentionally funny, and the acting is too straight-faced to be considered campy. The film is also not a satire in any sort of way, unless its attempts to mock the collegiate system of thinking, and obsessing over insignificant jobs is perceived to be clever. Which while, those elements are involved, they take a backseat to building up Jackie from That 70s Show as a killer mastermind. The music selections are poor, even when such acts as Rilo Kiley and Imogen Heap are among the soundtrack's offerings. They don't really fit the tone in any sort of way...that is, unless we were not supposed to gauge a tone from this movie.

Which, I guess is as good as anything. I'm too lazy to really write up everything that happens, but we essentially build up to Ms. Kunis being ONE IN A BILLION. Her cleverness is so much so that she kills 10 people, and only three of them have a missing persons report out for them, and the cops only come into play over an hour into the feature. Which again, is probably satire, which again, the film fails miserably at doing correctly. By the end of the feature, Kunis is revealed to be so clever that NO ONE BUT ONE PERSON notices that she has changed her identity twice, and that the second identity has taken her to a top FBI position. At least one of the guys is killed in the wide open in a library. Another of the dead bodies is seen by a janitor and a security guard, both later killed, and both never found out about again. By this film's conclusion, I had cackled at the logic mistakes, the poor writing, and the completely horrid attempts at actual humor.

What American Psycho succeeded in making an iconic character who in turn was a great satirizing of yuppie culture and the idea of certain "stereotypes" being safer than others, AP2 all but destroys at the seams. It does not help that Mila Kunis is not Christian Bale, and that American Psycho 2 is not American Psycho.

Rating: REALLY BAD (out of a scale of REALLY BAD, SLIGHTLY BAD, MEDIOCRE, PRETTY GOOD, and AWESOME)

(Writer's Note: Tomorrow might have a selection, and if it does, it'll be ST. ELMO'S FIRE. This will be better than American Psycho 2, I promise, but will it be as fun to write? Find out tomorrow/soon.)

The Hulu Watching Experience, Or Movie Sequels I Watch on Hulu and Will Review

If you are much like me these days, you are probably broke, out of money, and yet feel a need to watch a movie. Now, well, you're broke, so you're not going to suddenly rent a movie...but you don't prefer breaking the law. This means Hulu.com is the only option. And this left me with a wonderful idea. Over the next couple of weeks, I shall review any movie that I've haven't seen before. I will also add the caveat that they HAVE to be sequels. So any of these movies might be on the list to come:

American Psycho 2
Speed 2: Cruise Control
The Karate Kid III
Beethoven's 2nd
FX II
Revenge of the Pink Panther
St. Elmo's Fire (which isn't a sequel, but it has an awesome title song and is basically the sequel to Breakfast Club)
Amityville II: The Possession


Still, this will be exciting, rant-filled, and enjoyable for everyone. I will have something on American Psycho 2 tonight. I suspect this will not be boring.

This is GOOP.

This week, for some reason, (relatively) popular actress Gwyneth Paltrow launched a website. And it is called Goop.com. Why Goop? ...I don't know. And neither does anyone else. It appears to be a store-based site, which would be awesome if the store wasn't already broken. So we're left with a perplexing page with the simple message: "nourish the inner aspect." Okay, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? I like it when websites don't dumb down material for their audience, but this is the latest stroke of pretentiousness by that woman married to that singer of that second-rate British rock group that sold millions last year.

Or, it could be the funniest site ever. I'm not quite sure.

In lieu of meaningful content...

I present to you what will undoubtedly be the finest experience of 2009. This is the story of The Uncler.

The Uncler w/ Uncle Sam and Alyssa Milano from Alyssa Milano

Witness the resurrection of Uncle Sam, indeed. God bless ya.

The Politically Incorrect Oscar Report.

I give you the warning in the title.

Anyways, Oscar is all about awesome, totally non superficial things. I don't remember anything that's of note here other than that this year's ceremony went for two demographics that have seemingly NEVER EVER been targeted before at these ceremonies: young females (specifically teens who will probably sit through crappy technical awards to see Ed Cullen) and gay men. After all, Tonys host Hugh Jackman hosted the thing and...sung and danced a lot like he was at the Tonys. I guess this is supposed to be high energy, but it only proved that the era of the musical has been dead for a long time (which will be mentioned shortly).

So, let's get to some thoughts.

- Wow, too much makeup and not enough good expensive clothes.

I mean, everyone looked...pretty bad, actually. Even the secret loves of my life, Tina Fey and Anne Hathaway had pretty unflattering dresses, though, I felt they looked great in spite of this. (Amy Adams didn't, which depressed me a lot.) This also began a trend of evil. Also Miley Cyrus had more cleavge than 85% of the red carpet. This was disturbing on many many levels.

- Penelope won for Woody Allen's deal, and I realized Oscar has no love for the pole, and yes love for a random lesbian makeout.

No opinion really, just adds to the trend of this year's show being...pretty gay in the actual non-pejorative sense of the term.

- Hugh Jackman sang and did musical numbers.

He was a good singer, but...I still can't say I liked it. That is all.

- Milk won one too many awards.

I am not going to lie, I can't judge performances that I haven't seen. Now, Sean Penn is an actor's actor, so he's probably awesome in Milk and maybe more awesome than Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler. But wow, the Academy opened themselves a dumb can of worms by picking Penn over Rourke. Both of them are polar opposites. Rourke is a "tell it like it is" man that doesn't care who respects him and was actually probably the least hurt by him not winning, but that's exactly what makes him an interesting and great person. Not to mention, this was kind of the performance of his life and all. So instead of an impassioned speech with conviction, we instead got Sean Penn informing the viewer what they frankly should have the common sense to know, such as PROP 8 IS BAD. At the end of the day, it felt like the Academy was trying to make up for the fact that they voted Crash over Brokeback a few years back and never heard the end of it from critics. Too bad it came at Mickey's expense.

That said, Ben Kingsley had speech of the night for his awesome speech to Mickey. That was a moment where the award almost didn't matter in comparison to the people loving his comeback.

- Rogen and Franco revisiting Pineapple Express = fried gold.

Funniest thing of the night. One of those moments in a three hour telecast where I kind of felt I didn't waste my life away watching something. Although, in fairness, I can't act like my time is super precious anyway. I would've spent it typing on a computer probably instead. Still, it was worth it for such things as James Franco admiring James Franco's performance in Milk and for confusing The Love Guru with Slumdog Millionaire.

Beyonce and Hugh Jackman sung songs from Singin' in the Rain.

Not only did this actually happen, which made me weep for poor departed Gene Kelly, but this led to a medley in which songs from High School Musical and Mamma Mia were used. These films are not Singin' in the Rain or even Chicago for that matter. (And I can't stand Chicago.) And I knew then why men hate musicals (because say what you want, but Gene Kelly was a man's musical guy), because most of the ones that have came down the pike in the current century have all ultimately sucked beyond comprehension. These songs were not made any better by say Amanda Seyfried, whose entire claim to fame is being the chick from Mean Girls who said her boobs had a sense of whether or not it was going to rain. I wept for humanity.

- Random moments of laughter:
The Asian director with the comically bucktoothed look.
Mel Gibson's awesome new moustache (which you should search out).
Seth Rogen laughing at James Franco's inability to properly pronounce a foreign filmmaker's name.
Alan Arkin honoring "Seymour Phillip Hoffman."
Whatever committee that had serious thought that Jessica Biel, Zac Efron, Vanessa Anne Hudgens, Miley Cyrus, and Robert Pattinson should actually be in the building.
AR Rahman being awesomely nervous to accept two awards, and not nervous singing "Jai Ho."
Seeing the Millionaire Host from Slumdog and wishing that someone led to him yelling "You're absolutely RIGHT."
Will Smith.
Revolutionary Road being in the romance montage.

Oh, wow, this has gone far too long. I wasted my life once again, but eh, it was fun while it lasted.

Oh, and screw you Sean Penn. I still don't like you.

A Brief Intermission.

Due to the LONG ROAD TO MIDTERMS, I will briefly tap out of posting new blog entries for a little while. I might put up an Oscars blog, but I'm mostly going to try to study and focus on other duties at the moment. Look back at the past blogs, if you're a new reader. There's some decent analysis in those previous pieces, and eh, you'll hopefully enjoy the reading.

Thanks for your reading, and I'll be back fresh at some point, I'm sure.

The "Screw Love" Playlist

Yes, today's THAT day. The day where relationships that are based around possibly true love or probably not true love culminate to celebrate while the millions of singles cry into their Cheerios. I did not cry into my Cheerios this morning. I woke up at 12:30 PM. Aha! So yes, today probably sucks for most of you. (I assume about 65% of you, but probably more.) So here it is, the "Screw Love" Playlist!

The "Guy Who Got Dumped By His Girlfriend on Friday Even Though We've Lived Together for Three Months" Song
Ben Folds Five - "Song for the Dumped"
Why?: Because Ben makes an awesome song that's really funny, really honest, and I'm sure that you thought about 95% of what Folds is saying after the dumping.

The "Yeah, It's a Messy Breakup. Fiona Apple is Necessary" Song
Fiona Apple - "Oh Well"
Why?: Because there will be a moment where you have to handle it. And you'll cry, it's human. So Fiona Apple knows your pain.

The "Yeah, I Don't Have a Date or Do Anything, Really" Song
Grinderman - "No P---- Blues"
Why?: Because a lot of people probably relate to this more than they'd want to think.

The "I Think This Has to Do With A Breakup" Song
The Hives - "No Pun Intended"
Why?: It's fast paced, not moody, really. I don't know if it has anything to do with actually breakups or not being in love, but it does have the line "I never wanted this to end". So take that for what you will.

That's enough. Any good person will tell ya that you can't dwell on crappy circumstances too long. Happy Singles Awareness Day, kids!

I listened to Chuck D speak and it was awesome.

I was less than a year old when the rap group Public Enemy released its seminal 1990 album Fear of a Black Planet to the masses. I was not even born when they released, It Takes A Nation of Millions To Hold Back. And yet I felt connected to the psyche of a man who is 31 years my senior and who talked about situations that I never dealt with. I never lived in an America where segregation was rampant, or as a white man, would've never dealt with the consequences of such a thing.

And yet this man is truly a man of warmth.

About 200 people I'd imagine showed up to hear the man speak, and he seemed to care about every single one. He was more honest than expected (although, I can't imagine a person as frank as he's been in his recordings being dishonest, I guess) and made his simple point for us to accept responsibility, not get trapped in materialism, and to save up and try our best to change our surroundings. History was brought up as a means to self-actualization. Whether it was music history, hip-hop history, or just history of culture regardless, ignoring the past only means that there's going to be a dearth of creativity later. (This example also led to a cute story where he brought up that the Rolling Stones took their name from a Muddy Waters song. This was just cool info to know.)

He also laughed at the Soulja Boy/Ice-T feud.

Then he said that people should take their place in society and do what we can to avoid the world being torn apart, either literally or figuratively. And it was a unifying thought. A unifying thought from a man that once told us to fight the power and that Elvis never meant crap to him, two things that I'm sure he still believes to this day.

Thank you, Chuck.

RIP Lux Interior

As a fan of a random sampling of punk, I'd be remiss if I didn't bring up the unfortunate death of Cramps vocalist Lux Interior. The Cramps were a fine, fine punk band that happened to love 50s rock a lot. And they were pretty awesome if you liked that sort of thing. And they have impacted my life directly more than say...the Stooges, who had the loss of guitarist Ron Asheton earlier this year. (Though, the Stooges are probably the better band and certainly more influential.)

Anyways, enough bull. Time to honor the crazy, wacky, and fun man that was Lux Interior.


Whoo Hee Ha Ha.
Bikini Girls with Machine Guns.


Wow. Suddenly the world is far too bland. RIP Lux.

The Hidden Stuff: Part 1.

As I continue to neglect my fine studies here at this university, I feel a need to make up for slow news days. Mind you, when I say "slow news", I mean that I don't really have anything to say about the Super Bowl since I literally did not watch a single frame of the actual game as it took place live. And I did make up a cockamamie theory about how this game has to be rigged because the fourth quarter looked impossibly unrealistic in it suddenly turning a game from sort of boring to (apparently) one of the greatest games ever, which means it'll be remembered like the Giants/Bills Super Bowl back in 1990 (or '91) was remembered: only sparingly and for one menial thing.

Anyways, this is not what this post discusses. This is my excuse to add more actual music discussion to the mix, and talk about some of the stuff that I can't really send to the paper on the issue of it being way untimely. Also, this list is just ongoing, because obviously, there's a billion albums in the world, and I've heard maybe a couple thousand or more of these. But there's always something that deserves even the slightest modicum of new attention. So here goes entry number one:

1. St. Vincent - Marry Me
Original Release: July 2007

In the indie songstress spectrum, people would bring up the coolness of Jenny Lewis, the soft voice of Leslie Feist, and the bravado of Neko Case. But not many really give points for being cute without being grating, which might actually be the most difficult part of indie music since at the end of the day, the music will always fit in with the right style.

However, Annie Clark's debut solo record under the name of St. Vincent is entirely charming. Clark's lyrics are more revealing of her own personal quirks, and her penchant for indie pop culture. (For example, the record's title comes from a reference to beloved cult television show Arrested Development.) She likes spinning the traditional pop song on its head, as there are definite hooks throughout, but that the guitar might be a bit noisy or that more atmosphere will be added to the proceedings. The minutia throughout Marry Me spread around the exact touches that make this record spectacular. (Such as the "bah bah bum bum" that's in the background on the video below, for "Jesus Saves, I Spend.")



I won't lie, you might not like it nearly as much. Half of the album is poppy, but in a noisy way and the other half is entirely comprised of vintage-styled -- as in 1940s, not 1980s -- ballads that are entrancing, but kind of hard to get into on first listen. Still, it's the wintertime and the industry's probably going to be in a drought of truly interesting material for the next couple of months at least. You can't hurt anything by at least attempting to give in to the catchy wiles of a striking woman from New York.

http://www.myspace.com/stvincent

Yay, Hollywood is political. (The shock of the century, no doubt.)

In an article that was written the day after the SAG Awards were given out and on the heels of the announcement that Golden Globe winner Mickey Rourke has decided to participate in Vince McMahon's sports entertainment spectacle Wrestlemania, pundits and the like think that Mickey Rourke's effort to be a case of life imitating art will cost him an Oscar. Now, there isn't much of an opinion on this to say that this is a legitimate issue. While the NY Mag article says that there's an implicit anti-Wrestlemania bias, they also have not had a major pro wrestling movie that has been solid enough to warrant even caring about such a thing. So basically, no one truly knows the truth in this situation.

However, if the issue of Sean Penn's performance and Mickey Rourke's performance is being decided because the latter actually wants to embrace the thing he portrayed, I see that as a non-issue. Of course, I'm viewing things through the scope of a perfect world where scripted sport is somehow shunned when scripted entertainment is seen as okay. But then again, that's another point for another time.

What is the point is the ridiculous possibility of something that's seen as "lower entertainment" being the cause of another's downfall and not say THE PERFORMANCE. Again, of course, politics is nothing new in Hollywood. Still, you kind of want some release from that perspective and that feeling that hey, maybe the BEST PERFORMANCE OF THE YEAR can win for such an achievement. Will that future subjectively ever happen? Well, no. But maybe I'm a dreamer. Maybe I'm just idealizing things. Who knows? Maybe Rourke wins an Oscar, goes to the main event of Wrestlemania, beats that Chris Jericho in a match with the Ram Jam, and grins the biggest grin he can. See kids? Idealized futures are pretty cool.

Random subjects of fun interest.

When you have a boring Monday, you tend to pay attention to the ridiculous things going on around you in the world. And they make you laugh, a lot. Here is a mere sampling of these things.

VH1 reality shows are highly implausible, ridiculous, stupid, kind of funny and hard to not watch.

There was yet another sighting of Real Chance of Love today. For those who don't know, Real Chance of Love is a reality show based around the premise that two guys can give random nicknames to semi-attractive, semi-clothed women and choose who really loves them out of this. Mind you that proving their love involves wrestling, which I guess makes it as improbable as Randy Savage fighting in a match for the honor of the late Miss Elizabeth. And so reality television and fake sport meet in some comparison that isn't bringing up Celebrity Championship Wrestling.

More obscure music mentions!

This week, I'm reviewing Andrew Bird's new record Noble Beast. Since you'll get the idea of that record when you read the piece, I think I'll talk a little about Fever Ray. She is one part of the electronic group The Knife, which I realize that it's kind of hard to get name recognition out of that. Still, she has a pretty decent solo record out that's been released digitally, which is very strange but cool territory. This isn't going to be a favorite for album of the year at year's end or anything, but eh, "If I Had A Heart" is a nice January diversion.

Video for "If I Had A Heart"


Also, not as obscure, but I shall pimp the greatness of the Gaslight Anthem once again with some nice awesome videos.

Videos for "The '59 Sound" and "Old White Lincoln"



These guys have already had a big past two years of going from an unknown band from New Jersey to a band with a serious devoted cult following. It helps that The '59 Sound is a record that's really a great grass roots record. It's just an album that more and more people are finally getting their hands on and enjoying very much and passing on to their friends, which kind of fits the old school aesthetic of the band.

The Collective.

I had more elaborate thoughts on my review of Animal Collective's new record, but eh, I think the review itself pretty well covered it.

So I shall fill some space with this fine link: http://www.myanimalhome.net/

There is the fine, weird, and wonderful video for "My Girls." And it sums up the sound of the album pretty solidly, I'd say.

I shall elaborate on some Super Bowl-based things in the next week, so keep a definite look out for that. Other than that, I'm pretty well spent.

When A Bird Invades the Super Bowl.

I'm relaxing from the music discussion for a bit since the music industry itself is having its "relaxing period" through January. Next week, Animal Collective's new record Merriweather Post Pavilion is coming out in stores, and I plan to go in-depth on that. But for now, I shall be fixated on sports, since my favorite sport, uhm...football, is winding down its season.

I have to admit, the way the season has fallen has left me feeling a bit apathetic. None of the four teams seem worthy as a Super Bowl team to me, which has made me cheer the most for the one team who had the least chance of surviving. That team is the Arizona Cardinals, who have magically wandered into a major chance to make their first Super Bowl in history. Mind you, they have to beat the team that sportswriters have already crowned the NFC Champs, the Philadelphia Eagles. But what's the interest of the Eagles here? Most common fans would say Donovan McNabb, but I don't see why I should be so vested in McNabb. I don't know, being benched for a half doesn't seem like it suddenly turns the path of a quarterback around to him being amazing. Plus, it's a poorly built angle based on one mediocre game that led to a surprise hot streak to end the season. I don't get it.

Meanwhile, Arizona's more fascinating to me. They are statistically and logistically the weakest team out of the twelve teams that made the postseason, as even the San Diego Chargers weren't a totally weak team at 8-8. While they have a solid offense, they have roughly one defensive player that I remember by name -- this being Cardinals cornerback Adrian Wilson. They got beat by 40 points by a team not even in the playoffs (the 11-5 New England Patriots) and sucked for a majority of the season, only getting into the playoffs by virtue of being in the worst division in a major pro sports conference in the NFC West. So by all definitions, they should not be here at all and should get shellacked by the Eagles on Sunday.

Well, let's hope to god they don't. And here's why.

The Cardinals have the real comeback story of the year in Kurt Warner at quarterback. Kurt Warner is currently 37 years old. After becoming an NFL MVP twice, he got cast aside. He was considered too old to be a genuine starter, and was only hired in Arizona in the first place as a lead-in to big deal youngster Matt Leinart. It's weird how things work, because Warner has been the man who has almost exclusively taken the snaps over his run in Arizona, and it's his solid performance that has gotten Arizona to this point. And considering that quarterbacks in their late-30s are becoming more known for torpedoing their franchises, (*cough* the man who wears #4 for the Jets *cough*) Warner's all the more impressive. And he's not even doing anything that radically different than his quarterbacking style from the past few seasons, his team just happens to win slightly more than 50% of their games now, rather than slightly less than 50%.

I have no comment on the AFC title game, because I frankly don't care. Joe Flacco is a horrible name for a quarterback, and he seems like a pedestrian who does okay at quarterback and does his job while putting up mediocre pedestrian numbers. Did I say pedestrian enough? Pedestrian. Anyways, I don't really want to see him quarterbacking a Super Bowl, and I don't want to see the 2005 Joe Flacco -- or Big Ben or whatever -- do it, either. I guess I hate young kids at quarterback. Those ungrateful kids, thinking they can start with great defenses and ride by on that success. Why in my day, we had Troy Aikman...who did the same thing, but he was interesting. I just don't see why them kids would cheer that Flacco kid. Them Cowboys in the Super Bowl was so much simpler...

Thoughts I Thought During the Golden Globes.

- Kate Winslet deserved about two Golden Globes and six Oscars for that one scene they showed from The Reader.
Because wow. I didn't think I'd be amazed by a scene that roughly constitutes to a man getting out of a bath and a woman hugging him. That's good filmmaking. No wait, brilliant filmmaking. Stephen Daldry is my hero.

- Ricky Gervais: one of the few men to ever make the Holocaust funny.
And that's only because he mocked the fact that every other movie this year had to have a friggin' Nazi in it.

- Tracy Morgan makes something with Cate Blanchett funny.
"Deal with it, Cate Blanchett!"

- Tina Fey makes something with DianeFan funny.
"Suck it, DianeFan." Basically 30 Rock made the show amazing. Go Sarah Palin!

- Colin Farrell made me forget in roughly two minutes that this man was in Miami Vice, Alexander, Hart's War, The Recruit, Phone Booth, Daredevil, and American Outlaws. (The last two I had to look up.)
Plus he won for In Bruges. Which I hear is mindblowingly awesome, and probably made up for S.W.A.T. and Pride and Glory at least.

- What group of people thought that basically showing the ending to Slumdog Millionaire was a brilliant idea?
Really, what group? Especially when it winning Best Drama Picture or whatever, more people are by default interested. So you basically give them most of the final frames, and tell them to act surprised. Good work, Golden Globes.

- The last two awards. What greatness.
Mickey Rourke takes home Best Actor, and it's well deserved. Even if Penn's performance is more actorly, Rourke's is pure awesome. And then we got a great Globes moment when Darren Aronofsky gives the finger on live TV. And Mickey Rourke made looking really rubbery look cool (and tragic) in The Wrestler, followed now by looking like Johnny Depp circa 2003. Good man. Bring on Iron Man 2!

Slumdog Millionaire takes home Best Drama Picture and it's well deserved. Although, The Reader is probably more jarring, and Benjamin Button probably deserves its praise, Slumdog is the one that at least gives the most joy with its conclusion. (Which you can sum up by the fact that The Reader is about a Nazi war crime trial and Ben Button is about death or Brad Pitt or both.) Come on, it could be worse. Revolutionary Road could've won. Plus, the producer said the "f" word (even if it was blanked) on live TV. Which was pretty funny.

- Most of the funny people gave no crap, and most of the not funny people were friggin' hilarious.
Seth Rogen wasn't funny, which was stunning. Sacha Baron Cohen was painfully unfunny. And then Mickey Rourke thought that Downey should speak for him, and it was hilarious. Same with Colin Farrell talking about cocaine and getting into an almost literary tirade during his acceptance speech. Same with stoned Renee Zellweger. Okay, that was only funny because, wow, she fell off fast.

So yes, fun show that was cool to watch. The three hours went by pretty quickly, and there was a lot of entertainment to be had. The Oscars could learn to just remove that host formality and just get to the awards for once this year.

The One About Number 15.

Okay, let's get this out of the way. Tim Tebow won a national title. I can't stand Tebow as a person and I don't like the Florida Gators. Let's make this perfectly clear before I piss anyone off.

Now, I see a lot of response saying that the media loves Tim Tebow to death, especially FOX. Let's also remember that FOX televised the BCS title game. Ratings for the games of the Bowl Championship Series have encountered a steep drop this season, likely when people realized that one of them is actually the only one that matters to anyone other than university presidents and people way too fixated with win-loss records. Also, the "fifth" BCS bowl was between Cincinnati and Virginia Tech, one of them (the one not named Cincinnati) going into the game with an 8-4 record.

So, they needed somebody. And again, even though I don't like him, pushing Tebow as the star of the title game was exactly what was necessary for FOX. The hardcore fan probably hates this, but Fox doesn't want to draw in hardcore fans. Drawing in just the hardcore fans always never quite works. So you have to create a hype machine around him, which I find hilarious that people always allow themselves to get mad at rather than realize its intent. This is the same hype machine that made Vampire Weekend successful on the heels of an album with three good songs and made Juno a $150 million grossing movie in 2007 despite it being nowhere near the country's best movie. And Tebow's hype is exactly the element that will make this game huge in the ratings. (And since last year's "exciting" LSU title win drew 14.4 percent of households, this has to be a raise.)

Tebow is cocky, showy, and completely unnecessarily arrogant. (I.E. he was running on plays when the game was in the bag with two minutes to go.) But that's why he's a media darling. He knows the game of football is by nature, entertainment. So he'll go out and make his most ridiculous show of theater on a national stage. Is he as good as Bronko Nagurski? He's not even the best quarterback in the NCAA right now, but he's the most media friendly. He tells his team and himself to shape up after a loss to Ole Miss, even when in hindsight, almost all of their opponents from that point on were mostly mediocre. But this is seen as an act like something you'd see in a movie. Thus, it's entertainment. The hype is not meant to be taken seriously at all, because honestly, Mark May can't tell me anything about college football that I can't figure out with an ESPN Gameplan package.

Sometimes, you have to look at college football with a realization of what it is. If you put too much emotion into any one thing, you almost ignore its point entirely. College football is, for lack of a better term, entertainment. And though the story is unscripted and the scenarios are played out by unscripted actions. College football always has a story and always goes by a media process that is supposed to set up later developments. (I.E. Tebow's famed hooplah when recruited three years ago set the stage for his hype and then over hype tonight.) Because otherwise, we would be watching two teams pushing a ball 100 yards with no care of what goes on, and well, people wouldn't know who a Brett Favre even is. I wouldn't have cared about the Dallas Cowboys in the mid-90s (which their fame inherently was caused by their rags-to-riches success from crap team to amazing team, and their inevitable hype led me to figure out who they were when I was around six).

So yes, Fox is simply doing their job (which is to sell the game to the viewer by showing a "legendary player" do his job), and when hasn't ESPN piled on the hyperbole? These are the same guys that still think that a team losing one regular season football game (or a baseball or basketball game, for that matter) totally matters in the scope of a full season. Sure, a team can struggle, but if they get into the playoffs (like the "struggling" Indianapolis Colts this season), what's the problem? Because they're selling things as important to their viewer, or else they have no audience. It is the same reason that good but overrated movies and music get praised like crazy in the media. Because if they didn't, they'd be out of a job.

The "Greatest" Month in Film.

There's something about the month of January that is eerily fascinating to me. By all means, it's the most boring month of the year, even with the conclusion of college football's bowl season and the NFL playoffs. Nothing really happens in January except returning to school and usually frigid weather. Which is why it still staggers me that movies actually get released in January. I mean, yeah, awards season fare is going to go wide in January, typically, but for the most part, the movies in January are downright terrible. They're the type of fare that's only notable because it will be on TNT at noon on Saturdays in about three years.

And at the same time, January films fascinate me immensely.

Because if a movie comes out in January, it undoubtedly is because it's following some crappy trend that was a few years old, and surprise surprise, the movies end up being pretty horrible. Here is some nice examples:

The Unborn: This is another likely forgettable movie from director David Goyer. David Goyer is famous for basically being really good at writing with famous directors on famous comic book franchises (he co-wrote Batman Begins and has story credit for The Dark Knight). But as a director, he has incredibly poor taste in bad horror. His directing slate has been Blade: Trinity, the forgettable The Invisible, and now another crappy looking movie with a creepy kid. (And one that randomly has Dexter's dad and Vince Masuka in it. Yes, you kind of have to watch Dexter to understand.) And worse yet, the J-horror looking "creepy PG-13" horror film craze is really dead.

Not Easily Broken: This is the second writing effort from the surprisingly entertaining (for an agnostic who dislikes) preacher T.D. Jakes, as in 2004, he wrote the off-color but better than expected Woman Thou Art Loosed. But this is totally sold as Tyler Perry-lite, even down to the slick RnB soundtrack of the ads, so expectations are low.

Paul Blart: Mall Cop: Or, Kevin James is Fat and Wacky: The Movie.

To show how amazingly dull January really is, there are FOUR major horror releases out this month, two "The" generic horror romps (The other is The Uninvited, starring Elizabeth Banks as some weird mix of Rebecca DeMornay in The Hand That Rocks The Cradle and Miri from Zack and Miri.), and two generic resuscitation attempts of properties that weren't very good to begin with (Underworld 3 and My Bloody Valentine 3D).

That said, hope is not lost. Not when Liam Neeson is forced to kill a lot of people to get back his family. Even if Neeson's Taken is basically Death Wish VI (since Death Sentence was basically Death Wish V), Neeson's just too awesome to ignore. People forget until they see the commercial for Taken just how good Liam Neeson is at his job. And Taken could be the most preposterous movie in history, but Neeson will sell the movie like it is cold, hard reality.

So what I'm ultimately saying is that for a film geek that normally laughs at January, Hollywood might surprise me. They might make ONE January release that I remember for once. And that gives me a very warm feeling in a frigid month.

(And no, I didn't bring up Bride Wars because I love Anne Hathaway too much to get my Rachel Getting Married memories soiled by a forgettable rom-com that serves its purpose of giving her a paycheck that's nice.)

I copy good ideas.

So, the Something to Talk About blog on this very site (look to your right), posted their 25 most listened to songs of the year. So I got lazy, and decided to do the exact same thing. Only my iTunes got leveled around June, so I decided to go with the just as great Last.fm, which reminds me that the best song of all time is Kool and the Gang's "Summer Madness". Which they are still right.

Anyways, here's the list, complete with nice explanations as to why I loved such music in 2008. I'd also like to note that I'm not huge on repetition, I tend to get bored with most anything after a few listens. Also, this is overall, not taking into account the year of the music itself, which already explains #1. So that might explain a few of these.

1. Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Cheated Hearts - 26
I find that around one month a year, for the past five years or so, I think Karen O is the best rock vocalist of her time. She tends to bring a lot of elements into one package: unabashed sex appeal (in that odd "she looks strange" sort of way), bravado, and a sense of her being in pure control. Though, I think I end up not knowing what I'm talking about, as the best songs from the Yeah Yeah Yeahs are when they're their most vulnerable, like "Maps" and "Cheated Hearts".

2. Panda Bear - Take Pills - 23
This is the best anti-drug song Brian Wilson never recorded. Panda Bear IS 60s Brian Wilson, and he more or less said what Wilson probably should have done in his life, which is to not take pills because he didn't need them.

3. White Williams - New Violence - 22
This is really dancey. I don't think White Williams had any gargantuan ideas with "New Violence", except that he wanted to make a truly modern retro dance song. And it worked!

4. Metallica - All Nightmare Long - 21
I think I'm one of exactly sixteen metalheads who didn't get bored with Death Magnetic after early November, but this is probably the most well-built up of the album's monster tracks, and the one that is easily the most interesting, I find.

5. Radiohead - Bodysnatchers - 19
I'm not going to be one of those people who continues to extol the good virtues of In Rainbows, but it's a good record that really helps if you're in the "Radiohead mood." (I.E. If you feel in the mood for slightly dreary, slightly incomprehensible music.)

6. Metallica - The Unforgiven III - 17
This is the second best of the three "Unforgiven" tracks, and the third different definition Metallica gives of what makes someone "unforgiven", which is guess here means that you're going around in circles on a boat.

7. Beck - Chemtrails - 17
I think everyone slept on Modern Guilt, and there was a decent reason for it, as it was a bit too short and a good record that never touched great. Still "Chemtrails" is one of the more intriguing songs Beck's done in the last five years, probably matching up -- but not eclipsing -- "E-Pro" in its awesome simplicity.

8. Panda Bear - Bros - 17
This is 1960s Brian Wilson on an acid trip...well, more of an acid trip, which is funny because Panda Bear seems to really not like drugs.

9. Panda Bear - Comfy In Nautica - 16
This is the opener to Person Pitch, and it really gives you what you're in for on the onset. A lot of noise repeated over and over into something that manages to turn into a well-structured song, and proves that all of these electronic acts trying to pass on just doing sloppy noise and saying it's music should maybe look at Panda Bear's records.

10. Ladytron - I'm Not Scared - 16
I didn't realize the shift into dark gothic electronica until right now. Ladytron's got a little bit of a noise mix with NIN, oddly, and I think anyone that appreciates "Discipline" will notice the massive similarities between NIN and Ladytron's work, especially the one this track comes off of, the album Velocifero.

11. Nine Inch Nails - Discipline - 16
This year, Nine Inch Nails gave away a whole album for free, a 10-track record called The Slip. It subsequently was pretty throwaway for the most part, but "Discipline" was a pretty killer song, and the fact that this song is currently available for free means that you'd be silly to at least not take advantage of it.

12. Caribou - Sandy - 16
Caribou is one of the few acts in music that I perceive as making beautiful music, because they pretty well do. But this doesn't really explain why they're great, or why a Canadian electronic artist is a fine musician. Ah well. You'll just have to figure that out for yourself.

13. Beck - Profanity Prayers - 15
This was also a simple song on Modern Guilt that worked in spades. And any chorus that asks who will answer profanity prayers, which I guess is making fun of religion or Beck being goofy, is a thumbs up for me.

14. !!! - Sweet Life - 15
I listened to this song constantly last year. For some reason, I thought Nic Offer was on to some brilliance when he did a chorus that consists of exactly four letters. Which in fairness, it's still a brilliant idea. And this song totally talks about the vapidity of institutions like high school. Or something. I think I just like that the chorus feels like an explosion of sound.

15. Fujiya & Miyagi - Transparent Things - 15
I couldn't tell you much about why I enjoy this band, either. After all, their best two songs ("Ankle Injuries", "Collarbone") have almost nursery rhyme levels of rhyming. So it must be the guitars. Yeah, that will work as a reason for now.

16. The Bronx - False Alarm - 15
This year was the year that I realized that I secretly love punk rock. After being buried by crappy efforts from Green Day and a lot of other pop-punk acts that take their cues from Green Day (All-American Rejects, Taking Back Sunday, etc.), I managed to get a hold of Against Me's 2007 release New Wave. Despite the fact that it's their "sellout" record, it's exact what a "smart" punk record should be. And then there's The Bronx who, along with Tennessee's Jay Reatard, knows how to make a song that rocks but has pop sensibilities.

17. My Bloody Valentine - Only Shallow - 15
You wanna know why this is one of the greatest rock songs of all time? Pipe organ. And plus, they have cred. They made the label spend nearly a million dollars to record the album this track came from, the early 90s classic Loveless. And then I mention for kicks and jollies that this label, Britain's Creation Records, neared on bankruptcy when this album sold poorly, but were bailed out by this new group called Oasis.

18. Caribou - Desiree - 14
As with the previous Caribou song, this is so well composed, but here there's a wonderful buildup that sort of...well...it explodes midway through the song. And it's gorgeous.

19. TV on the Radio - Crying - 14
TV on the Radio managed to make a happier album with the same bleak subject matter. Or I guess it's bleak subject matter since everyone seems to think that Return to Cookie Mountain was the fear of the "Bush Years" in record form. Anyways, this song adds a lot of funk, as Dear Science as a whole adds a lot more nuances that really make songs better, like the 60s surfer pop chant that surrounds "Halfway Home".

20. White Williams - Violator - 14
Also really dancey. But in a more laid back and cool way. White Williams and his randomness and love of the 1980s is just lovely.

21. Caribou - Sundialing - 13
This runs at a nice click. It's one of the few six-minute songs I heard this year that didn't bore me to tears.

22. TV on the Radio - Dancing Choose - 13
This is again one of the inspired choices of TVOTR. They are amazingly successful at their experiments to the point that I almost forget how much I didn't really care for the second half of Return to Cookie Mountain and most of Desperate Youth... Here, Tunde's acting like Michael Stipe in 1987...which is that he's sort of rapping, but he's really just quickly talking. And it works to a tee.

23. Islands - Creeper - 13
While I think I grew cold on Arm's Way late in the year, this is still easily the best indie pop song related to a murderer in quite some time. (The last one was Sufjan Stevens' mega depressing "John Wayne Gacy, Jr.")

24. The New Pornographers - Use It - 12
Okay, this is my chance. The New Pornographers are the best of the two Canadian indie supergroups. (For those lost, it is them and Broken Social Scene. For those still lost, BSS spawned Feist and Kevin Drew. For those who are still lost, you probably didn't read most of this anyway.) "Use It" is the songwriting creation of Carl Newman, who writes amazing old school pop songs that just happen to be filtered out through about ten different people. Even weirder, I'm not partial to his stuff as A.C. Newman, as it's not like his stuff in New Pornographers.

25. Liars - Plaster Casts of Everything - 12
"Plaster" is easily the best metal song that no one will ever classify as metal, probably because 98% of Liars' fanbase hates metal.

Yes, this wasted way too much of my life.