The Politically Incorrect Oscar Report.

I give you the warning in the title.

Anyways, Oscar is all about awesome, totally non superficial things. I don't remember anything that's of note here other than that this year's ceremony went for two demographics that have seemingly NEVER EVER been targeted before at these ceremonies: young females (specifically teens who will probably sit through crappy technical awards to see Ed Cullen) and gay men. After all, Tonys host Hugh Jackman hosted the thing and...sung and danced a lot like he was at the Tonys. I guess this is supposed to be high energy, but it only proved that the era of the musical has been dead for a long time (which will be mentioned shortly).

So, let's get to some thoughts.

- Wow, too much makeup and not enough good expensive clothes.

I mean, everyone looked...pretty bad, actually. Even the secret loves of my life, Tina Fey and Anne Hathaway had pretty unflattering dresses, though, I felt they looked great in spite of this. (Amy Adams didn't, which depressed me a lot.) This also began a trend of evil. Also Miley Cyrus had more cleavge than 85% of the red carpet. This was disturbing on many many levels.

- Penelope won for Woody Allen's deal, and I realized Oscar has no love for the pole, and yes love for a random lesbian makeout.

No opinion really, just adds to the trend of this year's show being...pretty gay in the actual non-pejorative sense of the term.

- Hugh Jackman sang and did musical numbers.

He was a good singer, but...I still can't say I liked it. That is all.

- Milk won one too many awards.

I am not going to lie, I can't judge performances that I haven't seen. Now, Sean Penn is an actor's actor, so he's probably awesome in Milk and maybe more awesome than Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler. But wow, the Academy opened themselves a dumb can of worms by picking Penn over Rourke. Both of them are polar opposites. Rourke is a "tell it like it is" man that doesn't care who respects him and was actually probably the least hurt by him not winning, but that's exactly what makes him an interesting and great person. Not to mention, this was kind of the performance of his life and all. So instead of an impassioned speech with conviction, we instead got Sean Penn informing the viewer what they frankly should have the common sense to know, such as PROP 8 IS BAD. At the end of the day, it felt like the Academy was trying to make up for the fact that they voted Crash over Brokeback a few years back and never heard the end of it from critics. Too bad it came at Mickey's expense.

That said, Ben Kingsley had speech of the night for his awesome speech to Mickey. That was a moment where the award almost didn't matter in comparison to the people loving his comeback.

- Rogen and Franco revisiting Pineapple Express = fried gold.

Funniest thing of the night. One of those moments in a three hour telecast where I kind of felt I didn't waste my life away watching something. Although, in fairness, I can't act like my time is super precious anyway. I would've spent it typing on a computer probably instead. Still, it was worth it for such things as James Franco admiring James Franco's performance in Milk and for confusing The Love Guru with Slumdog Millionaire.

Beyonce and Hugh Jackman sung songs from Singin' in the Rain.

Not only did this actually happen, which made me weep for poor departed Gene Kelly, but this led to a medley in which songs from High School Musical and Mamma Mia were used. These films are not Singin' in the Rain or even Chicago for that matter. (And I can't stand Chicago.) And I knew then why men hate musicals (because say what you want, but Gene Kelly was a man's musical guy), because most of the ones that have came down the pike in the current century have all ultimately sucked beyond comprehension. These songs were not made any better by say Amanda Seyfried, whose entire claim to fame is being the chick from Mean Girls who said her boobs had a sense of whether or not it was going to rain. I wept for humanity.

- Random moments of laughter:
The Asian director with the comically bucktoothed look.
Mel Gibson's awesome new moustache (which you should search out).
Seth Rogen laughing at James Franco's inability to properly pronounce a foreign filmmaker's name.
Alan Arkin honoring "Seymour Phillip Hoffman."
Whatever committee that had serious thought that Jessica Biel, Zac Efron, Vanessa Anne Hudgens, Miley Cyrus, and Robert Pattinson should actually be in the building.
AR Rahman being awesomely nervous to accept two awards, and not nervous singing "Jai Ho."
Seeing the Millionaire Host from Slumdog and wishing that someone led to him yelling "You're absolutely RIGHT."
Will Smith.
Revolutionary Road being in the romance montage.

Oh, wow, this has gone far too long. I wasted my life once again, but eh, it was fun while it lasted.

Oh, and screw you Sean Penn. I still don't like you.