Now let me put myself into the perspective of an Auburn athletic director or Bobby Jindal or whatever, which you'll notice in that handy quotes box below.
I have many, many options for a replacement...
Turner Gill's done amazing work in Buffalo and made the team go from a laughing stock of Division 1-A football to a conference champion. And on the way to that conference title, they beat a top 25-ranked undefeated team in the process. He seems perfect for the project of rebuilding the Tigers. But eh, he's probably wanting to be stuck in the Northwest or Northeast or wherever Buffalo is. And clearly the MAC's not a legitimate conference. It's not even a big six conference! So, no to him.
Brian Kelly has made Cincinnati into a Big East powerhouse. He is in a big six conference, even if this conference happens to have the least prestige out of all of them. And his team is playing in a Big Four bowl this year (the Orange Bowl), unlike us. He's also had a long trend of turning teams good or keeping the teams on track. Thus, he's an amazing choice. But he doesn't see a problem at being paid $825,000 a year to live in a cold city in Ohio, which is strange but I guess it take him out of the picture.
Boise State's Chris Peterson's much the same. He loves the blue turf a lot. Oh, and 12-0 records. So he's also out.
And I'm too lazy to wait for a pro coach to get fired, like Rod Marinelli of the Detroit Lions or Romeo Crennel of the Browns, despite the fact that lame duck pro football coaches with a clear head have a great history of winning in college. See: Nick Saban, Pete Carroll.
And I don't want a guy who would be brand new to coaching. So even though a guy with a solid pedigree in coaching (Mississippi State's Sly Croom) just got let go, I don't want him. He clearly can't play in our conference, so why on earth would I need a guy who led a mediocre team to a bowl game last season and only lost to my team by one point this year?
So that leaves only one choice left. We need someone from a big conference, but not a big school. This guy should come from the Big 12 North, not the Big 12 South where that Texas Tech guy Mike Leach is. He'll probably just stay in Lubbock and be third in his conference (with a 7-1 conference record) forever. And I don't think Mack Brown of Texas or Bob Stoops will jump out of their posts. And...I guess there's other teams in the South, but why would I care? I want the North.
Missouri's head signed a mega extension, so he's out, despite his winning record. Uhm...Kansas head coach Mark Mangino looks too much like Andy Reid. This clearly is important to my decision, so he's also out. Nebraska's got a fresh coach with an 8-4 record, but he clearly won't leave for a nice plum SEC job. Plus, Nebraska's got some legacy to it.
So that leaves Colorado's head and Iowa State's head. (Kansas State's coach signed a ridiculous $1.8 million per season deal to continue to be 5-7. They'd kill for an Auburn-esque season.) Colorado finished 5-7 this season, too, but we don't want to be reminded of the past. Now what we need is a defensive genius! But I've got Iowa State left, so I guess I'll hire that guy. Oh! Gene Chizik! The man who coached Auburn's amazing 2004 defense! This was a good choice after all. Wait, what's that? His head coaching record is 5-19? Oh, what does it matter?
So, let's recap. I shunned the mid-major guys, despite the fact that the head coach of this year's SEC champion cut his teeth in mid-major jobs. I shunned any recently fired guys like Sly Croom, despite the fact that a team coached by a guy fired last year by an SEC team was the only team this season to beat the SEC champion. I totally forgot about the pros, despite the fact that pro experience and great defensive strategy from a Romeo Crennel is exactly what Auburn needs. I totally forgot that a horrible team like Kansas State even has a coach that's more winning than the coach from the very specific conference I hired from.
Wow, I should be fired.
No comments:
Post a Comment