Me and Urban Meyer

I'm sure that it's pretty obvious to anyone around the Capstone who hasn't fallen into a vat of acid in the past few weeks that there's this little football game called the SEC Championship game going on this week between our fine Capstone crusaders and the Florida Gators. I'm also sure that the same people who didn't fall in a vat of acid also realize that Florida's really insanely good at football, and at running up scoreboards unnecessarily other than to show that they are insanely good in theory. And then, add to the fact that there's a Heisman Trophy winning quarterback in Tim Tebow and an epic defense like the Tide and it's almost a dream clash.

And of course, everyone will undoubtedly compare the runs of the Tide's stoic leader Nick Saban and the similar journeyman success of Florida's head honcho Urban Meyer. In fact, Meyer is essentially the younger Saban in terms of ability to win. Meyer became famous for turning the Utah Utes into a surprise national powerhouse. Nick Saban turned around the bad fortunes of the Michigan State Spartans and famously upset a #1 Ohio State Buckeyes team in 1998. Both even have a national title to their name.

But Meyer's something a little bit more intriguing and scary. He's brash, a little cocky, and youthful. The guy's not even 45 years old and has a national title on the mantle of Florida, and he's running with an offense that scores a lot of points. So that would make him Bob Stoops, right? Well, Bob Stoops is 48, and even under the context of similar age and national prowess, I say yes and no. Meyer's currently going all out to show that he's impressive. Oklahoma's been so impressive that it's been boring as all mess for the past 5 to 10 years, although they have the tendency to overcompensate for the fact that they suck at the big dance. Florida had one amazing national title year in 2006 followed by an 8-4 dip in 2007 that Gators fans conveniently forgot when that Tebow character became the Heisman winner.

So when Meyer's Florida team happened to stumble upon losing by one point to a surging Ole Miss team that surprisingly didn't suck, he reacted with the smarts of a man who won a national title, but with the anger of a teenage boy whose school crush went to his bitter enemy. He had to go all out to prove his worth, even if it meant jacking up the score so unnecessarily. Cue highlights like the 56-6 domination of South Carolina, and the hilariously silly 70-19 game against the Division 1-AA stalwarts The Citadel. (And yes, Bob Stoops did much the same after being beaten by Texas, but Stoops continues to have the anger of a teenage boy in his system.) One stat that I'm sure the sports media will pick up on relates to the number 50. Alabama has not scored 50 points in one game this season. Florida has reached that mark five times.

But that's where Meyer's angry young man might be the worst approach to the game. Saban's team, even in the midst of near defeat, has stayed calm and collected through all of it. Saban himself might not, if him yelling at punter P.J. Fitzgerald late in the third quarter during the Iron Bowl (when the Tide was up 29-0 no less) was any indication.

But the team themselves never seems to lose focus, as rocky as it gets. John Parker Wilson's become a great team quarterback, which is to say that he makes roughly 50% of his passes and doesn't throw a pick. He's not a Heisman-type guy, but he doesn't need to be. He's a team player and knows when to step into the background. Alabama's filled with players that serve a direct purpose. And while Tim Tebow's become more of a team player this year, he still has the stardom of being Heisman Trophy winner Tim Tebow. He's still famous for being Florida's stats page to the point that even in games like the epic battle with The Citadel, he had to play, even if there's risk involved like getting injured.

Meyer has to make his team impress that mythological girl called the Bowl Championship Series, the same BCS that knows that Alabama made all the right moves and didn't do with flash, just with enough cool confidence to win. Now sure, like all stereotypical macho cliches, a fight decides who wins the girl and a fight with (probably) Oklahoma in Miami. But will Florida beat Alabama by a minimum of four touchdowns, the famous minimum margin of victory they have had since that Ole Miss loss? No, they're not. I know saying something will not happen often means that the event does happen and it's worse (or better) than you could have ever thought, but Bama's too cool for a four touchdown defeat. They're too cool for Meyer's pure desperation to appease this dame.

And plus, do you really want to see a Florida/Oklahoma title game? If I wanted to see two teams battle it out nervously for a trophy they don't really deserve (See: Texas beating Oklahoma 45-35), I'd go to a bar, perhaps the Houndstooth here in beautiful Tuscaloosa, and I'd wait until the very end of the night to watch the last attractive single girl in the club be approached by two separate guys who both want her, and she doesn't really want either one of them. What I'm saying is that Florida's desperation is a pretty valid way to lose, and that frankly, I don't want to be bored by a title game this year. Nuh-uh, I want a Crimson War.